Lead Like You Wanted To Be Led

Early in my Army days, I had a boss who never once said thank you. He barked orders and walked away. He got the job done, but nobody on that team would have run through a wall for him. I remember thinking, if I ever lead people, I am not doing it that way.

That thought stuck with me longer than I expected. Over 40 years, I went from the Army into management roles at Cisco, SAIC, Aviat, and Ivanti. Different companies, different problems, but the question never changed. Am I leading people the way I would want to be led.

Here is the hard part. Wanting to lead well and actually doing it are two different things. I have failed at this. I have been short with people when I was stressed. I have taken credit I did not earn and let blame fall on the wrong shoulders. Redemption is not a one time event. It is something you have to choose again the next morning.

So what does leading like you wanted to be led actually look like? It starts small. Say thank you out loud, even for the boring stuff. Tell people what is going on instead of leaving them guessing. Admit when you are wrong before someone else has to point it out. None of this is complicated. It is just uncomfortable, especially if nobody modeled it for you.

I tell the leaders I train that guilt is a terrible manager. Guilt makes you try too hard, promise too much, or dodge hard conversations. A simple gut check works better. Before you speak to your team, ask yourself how you would want to hear this news if you were sitting in their chair. That one question will change how you lead faster than any seminar.

This is not just an office skill. It shows up at home, at church, in a marriage, in how you raise kids or grandkids. I have officiated weddings in Nevada, and I always tell couples the same thing I tell new managers. Lead the relationship the way you would want to be led in it. Nobody wants to follow someone who only thinks about themselves.

You do not need a title to start. You just need to decide today that the way people were led badly around you stops with you. That is a legacy worth building, one thank you and one honest conversation at a time.

Want more on leading well, in business or in life? Come see us at herbadkins.com.